What does conflict have to do with fertility?

Let me start with a short story from a past client:

“I’ve been getting your e-zine newsletter and have listened to several of your CDs as I underwent several IVF cycles. I am writing to you now as I watch my 3-week old twins sleep. Thank you very much for your positive words of encouragement (even though we have actually never spoken) and calming nature that lulled me through cycles of IVF and months of pregnancy.

I believe our last IVF attempt was successful for a couple of reasons. We went to a new clinic (which required some travel), which had a proven track record of high success rates AND I had finally reached a mental awareness that there were many ways to achieve my goal of motherhood, and I would eventually achieve the goal one way or another. That realization and release of expectation allowed me to focus on the moment and take each step in stride. Thanks for your help with that.” –Heather

If you were to name five characteristics that support balance and fertility, would conflict be in your list? Probably not. From an intuitive view, you can just feel that fertility and conflict are not great partners.

From a scientific viewpoint, the feeling of conflict triggers the fight-or-flight response within your body, which over the long term disrupts your reproductive system. The same response happens within your body whether the conflict is overt (such as an argument with another person), or whether it is more internal (having conflicting feelings about something).

And yet, when you are dealing with fertility challenges, conflict arises over time. Conflict over how you feel about your body, conflict over the next steps, conflict with friends and family, even conflict because you want to feel positive but you can’t and you end up mentally beating yourself up over it.

One of the most important roles of mind~body~spirit work, in my opinion, is to find a way to shift our thoughts and emotions, so we can release conflict within the body. A body without overwhelming conflict comes back into balance more easily and is better equipped to create your wishes and dreams.

So, what does a conflict look like and how do you resolve it?

Let’s take the example from this week’s success story. Heather really wanted to be a mother—and although she didn’t tell me this in her e-mail—I’m making an educated guess she wanted the experience of being pregnant, of having her own biological child.

Is there anything wrong or any sign of conflict by having those desires? Of course not. The conflict begins to show up when you start getting into the following thoughts: “If I don’t get pregnant, I’m failing.” “I have to get pregnant THIS cycle, or I am simply going to fall apart.” “I have to be pregnant or it proves I never get what I want.” “I have to be pregnant or…,” you fill in the blank.

What Heather was able to do was to remove the conflict from this desire by stepping into the belief, “There are many ways to be a mother, and I will eventually find my way to that dream.”

Take a moment simply to feel how your body feels when you read these next two sentences:

“I have to be pregnant this month.”

“I am going to be a mother and will find my way to this desire.”

Can you feel your body relax?

Does making this kind of a shift mean you are giving up on your dream?

Does making this kind of a shift mean you don’t believe you can have what you want?

Does making this kind of shift mean you are telling God / Universe / Source you don’t care how you become a Mother?

Not at all.

All you are doing is finding a way to remove conflict from within your body. You are allowing your body to come back into balance, which is the best possible position to be in, whether you are trying naturally, on your own, or with ART.

I invite you to sit down with a journal—or at the very least a piece of paper—and begin to identify where you feel conflict in yourself. How can you shift your thoughts and beliefs to support a new way of thinking that releases the conflict?

If you’re ready to deepen your mind-body-Soul connection and create new balance within your inner fertility environment, let’s chat. We’ll talk about ways to work together and see if there is a way that I can support you. Click here for a time on my calendar.