How you do anything is how you do everything

Let me start this article by saying, you do not have to be perfect to get pregnant. You do not have to become the zen master on top of the mountain in order to allow a pregnancy. You get to have your hard moments. You get to have all your feelings.

At the same time, I want you to remember that how you do anything is how you do everything.

What do I mean by that?

We tend to segment ourselves. We have our work persona, our at home persona, our friend persona, our driving to work persona, our in the grocery store persona, our “infertile” persona, our daughter persona, etc, etc.

As we play each role, there are certain rules, certain ways of acting. 

When you are focusing on the “work” persona, you are careful to follow the work rules: get in on time, keep the customers happy, do what the boss asks of you, be polite to the right people, etc.

When you are focusing on the “infertile” persona, you are careful to follow all the right rules as well: take your supplements, do yoga, relax, meditate, monitor your ovulation, go to doctor appointments, etc.

While this may be important for the way we interact with the outside world, your body does not know the difference 

Anytime you feel an emotion – whether in the work role, the caretaker role, the infertile role, the driving around town role – your body feels it. 

If you are angry in any role, your body feels it. If you are holding onto resentment at work, your body feels it. If you are angry with a friend, your body feels it. If you feel shame over an interaction with someone, your body feels it.

Your body is ALWAYS listening to you, ALWAYS responding to whether it thinks you are in danger, ALWAYS turning on/off the stress response based on what you are doing.

To put your body into the state of *being fertile* requires you to have an overarching understanding of how you live your life. To be aware of your habits of thought. To be cognizant of when those “negative” emotions arise and to be able to discharge them.

For example, I had a client share with me that she gets angry at other drivers on a consistent basis. And because she is California based and drives to client homes everyday, that means she spends a significant amount of time angry. Her body is going to feel under attack a signficant portion of the day. Driving has nothing to do with the “infertile” persona, but it has everything to do with a constant triggering of the stress response which directly impacts fertility. 

My invitation to you is this: get curious about how you feel throughout your day. What triggers you into difficult emotions? What habits of thought spin you into anger or frustration? How do you treat other people?

I will be fully transparent. This article was inspired by a series of customer service emails that I just received. This person ordered a download product on a Thursday. Saturday night at 10 pm I received an email that she hadn’t received her product, to please send it to her, that the website says it is next business day and how disappointed she was in me. Sunday morning I checked to make sure my system had sent the appropriate emails (it had) and then I responded to her with an additional email with all the instructions on how to download her product.  

Tuesday morning I received a barrage of emails from her calling me soul-less and a liar because she STILL hadn’t received her product.

After another round of me responding to her emails, she sent word that she finally was getting my emails.

Now, what I know is this:

• She is probably incredibly stressed over her upcoming IVF
• She is anxious to get started doing something that can aid the process
• She probably has a history of making online orders with companies that do not live up to what they promise.
• She is taking out all her emotions on me and my company because that is the safest way to discharge the emotions (and I cannot take it personally)

At the same time, how you do anything is how you do everything.

Being Fertile work is all about looking for and shifting your patterns of thought, patterns of emotion, patterns of belief etc. that activate the fight or flight so that you can create an internal fertile environment that supports allowing a pregnancy.

Again, this isn’t about being perfect. But it is about looking at your personal patterns. Do you yell at customer service? Do you NOT yell at customer service but spend hours with thoughts and emotions spinning in your head? Either will throw you and your body out of whack in ways which will not support fertility.

If you are ready to create the mind-body-Spirit balance that allows pregnancy, let’s work together. Reply to this email and we will set up a conversation to determine best steps together.