Easing the sting of the day

This Anji Community contains women who are in all stages of family building. One thing in common for everyone is you know the sting of Mother’s Day.

There are overt reminders: One of my clients shared with me that the tradition in her extended family was to have a huge brunch…and the women who weren’t mothers had to do all the dishes at the end of the day.
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​There are reminders that seem to be on your radar only: Mother’s Day becomes one more milestone passed, again, as you work to create your family.

Regardless if the sting is from something overt or something internal that gets triggered, here are a few ways to work with the emotions:

1. First, whatever you are feeling is real. Our culture tends to ignore things you cannot see or that cause pain. At best, people just don’t know what to say and are quiet or ignore what is hurting you -and at the worst – people don’t know what to say so they act as if what you are feeling should be easily overcome, pushed away, or simply wrong.
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   No matter what kind of feedback you are getting from others, honor and acknowledge that what you feel is real.
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2. Let the emotion flow (in a safe, contained way). We often try to distract ourselves through the day so we don’t have to think or feel anything. Unfortunately, this simply buries the emotion in the moment only for it to come out ‘sideways’ at another time.
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   Give yourself the opportunity to feel what you are feeling – journal, scream at the Universe, write a letter to someone who is disregarding how you are feeling (and then burn it). We’re often afraid to let the feelings flow because we are worried that they will overtake us. However, once you honor and acknowledge and feel what you are spending so much time pushing away often brings relief. You feel them and then can move forward. They may not be gone for good, but you have to expend way less energy pushing them away.
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3. Say no. If you aren’t going to be able to attend this year’s gatherings without completely burning yourself out, it is okay to say no. No guilt. No shame.
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4. Once you have honored and acknowledged and felt your emotions, use a tool that will help guide you back into a more neutral place. Favorite music. Favorite outside spot. Favorite fragrance.
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   ​One tool I’ll add here is: favorite gemstone. I absolutely love the therapeutic gemstones from Gemisphere. These necklaces create palpable changes in mind, body, and Soul. I personally own 10+ different necklaces. One of my favorites when I am feeling low is Mother of Pearl. Here is the description from Gemisphere:
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   “Mother of Pearl necklaces stir and awaken the primordial memory of your origin in the infinite ocean of divine love. It stirs this memory in your thoughts, your feelings, and in every cell of your physical body. As your memory opens, this divine love flows into you, repairing the deep wounds created by unfulfilled needs. Mother of Pearl’s energy sings the song of motherly love as it imparts the feeling of being cradled in a loving mother’s arms”
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   ​You can learn more about these necklaces here. As a bonus, the mother of pearl necklaces happen to be 20% off through Sunday.
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5. Reach out. Don’t do this alone. Reach out to community. Reach out to a local chapter of RESOLVE for information on groups that meet. Reach out to your (safe) loved ones. Reach out to me. Don’t suffer on your own. If you don’t have anyone you can reach out to and are reaching a crisis point, call 800-273-TALK (8255) or text NAMI to 741-741 and you will get connected with someone who you can talk or text with right away.