Do I Really Have to Talk About It to Get Pregnant?

I want to start by sharing a short success story from a previous client:

“I had lived by Jennifer’s wonderful weekly emails for about three years (I discovered them through Randine Lewis’s book “The Infertility Cure” after many years of tests, IUIs, two surgeries, and IVF with a miscarriage that had left me broken-hearted) when I decided to sign up for her three-month intense program, “Unlock your Fertility.” I have just finished it, and if there is regret, it is that I am sorry I had not met Jennifer 20 years ago! Being through years of acupuncture, different therapists, mind/body fertility stress reduction classes, and support groups that certainly have helped, Jennifer’s program has; however, in an incredibly short time, changed my entire life by the way I am thinking and feeling about myself and my fertility.​The surprising bonus to this program (which I was initially rather afraid of) was the phone sessions (as opposed to one-to-one personal sessions). The fact that I could meet Jennifer in familiar surroundings, in a place of my own choice—usually my home—gave the sessions a surprising twist in terms of absolute openness and comfort on my side.​Until I stumbled upon this program, I had no idea I had had so many mental blocks and fears, and more importantly, I did not believe that healing is indeed possible. Now, after I found myself, with my FSH value hugely decreased (!), at age 43, I am looking forward to my upcoming natural IVF cycle, and my life beyond IVF, with peace in my heart.”

Ivona

(The program she is referring to is now Activating Fertility (links to https://www.anjionline.com/activating-fertility/))

One of the “objections” I hear from clients who are considering mind-body-soul work for fertility is, “But I don’t want to dwell on negative emotions and experiences. I don’t want to talk about them.”

While I agree that simply talking about negative emotions isn’t good, from a mind-body perspective, pushing them away and ignoring them is about the worst thing you could do.

Dealing with infertility means becoming exposed to many difficult topics. You are inundated with facts and figures about age and chromosomes. You experience first hand the heartbreak of loss, whether that is the loss of trust in your body, the loss of the naïveté other women get to have regarding pregnancy or the loss of a baby.

Of course, you don’t want to spend any more time than you have to dealing with difficult topics.

However, from a body~mind perspective, it makes a difference HOW you handle the difficult topics. Sometimes, instinct makes you want to turn away from the difficult topics, to protect your heart, to keep from being completely overwhelmed. Oftentimes, the easiest way to do this is to bury the emotions, the memories, and the thoughts.

The problem with this, to borrow the title from a wonderful book on this topic, “feelings buried alive NEVER die.” Not only do they not die, they go on living in your subconscious and the cells of your body. They are very much alive and influencing how the cells of your body are acting and behaving.

Stay with me here, because I know this can be an overwhelming concept at first. It is NOT my goal to have you scared of your thoughts and emotions. In fact, you have more power than you know when it comes to these thoughts and emotions.

Here’s the key to handling thoughts and emotions: Instead of feeling like the choice is to either bury the emotion down deep or to push it away and try to pretend your way into having it not bother you, take your feelings or your thoughts one step at a time.

Take the “scary” or emotional thought and see what the next best thought is you can have about it. The new thought doesn’t have to be all bright and shiny and positive, that’s not going to be believable. It just has to be a little bit better than the thought before.

So for example, let’s take the thought:

“My body is never going to do what I want it to do.”

Shift that to:

“My body hasn’t been doing what I want it to do.”

Feel the difference in those two statements. Read them each out loud and really feel the difference.

Shift that to:

“I’m learning new ways to work with my body that I didn’t know about before.”

Now, read the first statement and this statement out loud. Feel the difference.

If you never take this thought any farther, can you feel the difference of where you have “left” your thoughts and emotions on this topic? Even a shift like this will make a profound difference in the cells of your body and your reproductive system.

As you get more skilled with shifting your thoughts, you will discover the power that your thoughts and emotions truly hold.